So, remember all those love horoscopes you secretly read of you and your crush that you stalked? Or that cosmo magazine that informed you “how to get that perfect relationship?” Or the multiple self help romantic books you bought at indigo claiming they can give you the best recipe to a perfect marriage/relationship? Or the hundreds of Youtube videos you watch of your favourite Youtubers that make those “Tips to a successful relationship” video. No? Welllll, guess your homegirl is guilty of it on her own then LOL. Don’t lie y’all, I know you all have done at least 1 of the above, if not all regardless if you’re female or male. Honestly, I don’t blame you. They’re hella interesting to read while the author on the other end is rolling in that cash. Win, win.
Many of us feel “enlightened” or have those “AHA” feelings and think yessss they can apply everything they read/watched and they will have the perfect relationship. While I do agree aspects such as trust or communication do contribute to a healthier relationship, but it is too broad to say it is the key to a successful relationship.
How about if your reality of trust is different from someone else’s? Or great communication to you is talking to you partner throughout the day while to someone else it may mean rejoicing after work at the end of the day. Everyone’s reality is different.
So, I was bored a couple of days ago and was casually watching random videos that lead to the next and the next and the next and I came across ShanBoody’s video on her open relationship, which if you haven’t watched – it’s extremely intriguing. I’ve had mixed opinions on open relationships in the past, but this video had really opened my eyes to a different view on the particular type of partnership.
Here it is if you want to watch the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiXl2CIfZR8.
The main part in the video that caught my attention was when her partner had said “there is no key to a successful relationship”. He went on to say something along the lines of every relationship is different, therefore there is no key to make every single relationship work. And, I was just like … wow.
Now, you’re probably saying well duh Stef, it’s not like it’s something new. On the contrary, it is new to me because I feel like many people in relationships look to others to validate how “successful” theirs is, and we should really stop. Society indirectly sets a standard for a “perfect relationship” that in turn invokes a sense of failure in those who don’t feel like they live up to that standard – which inevitably leads to lack of confidence in one another and unfortunately separation, divorces, fights etc take place. You know, that really made me think.
What are relationships exactly?
Us humans are naturally born with a desire to create relationships with others – be it friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, sibling, daughter, mother, father, co-worker, patient etc. As we develop, we are conditioned because of our environment and internal yearning to find a (or multiple in some rare cases) romantic partner to share the rest of our lives with. In my opinion, we ultimately look for compatibility – hence all those love horoscope tests where you test your similarities (I think they are all a money making scheme, but to each his/her own). Once you find someone compatible, you see if there is “chemistry”.
Chemistry to me is that energy and that vibe that you two have with one another that draws you towards them.
Bam, next step, it’s Facebook official. Haha, gotta add some sense of Stef’s dorky humour somewhere.
Now, once you are together. Here it starts. In a heterogeneous relationship, the men begin to spoil the woman with gifts and compliments to live up to that perfect man and the women begin to boast on social media how lucky she is to have this perfect man in her life. It may sound like I’m making fun, but honestly, I’m not – I’m just simply stating how I view the reality of relationships this current day. Do I post pictures of my boyfriend? Yes. Not saying I don’t.
I think it is perfectly fine for men to spoil women and women to claim their man. If that is what makes both of you happy, heck who cares what people think?
What I see though on the flip side is the million eyeballs scrolling through Instagram and immediately start to think omgsh… he doesn’t do that. Is he not good enough for me? Does she not love me enough to post me on social media? That is where I think it needs to stop. Stop comparing. Trust me. People say pictures speak a thousand words, but it also hides the other million through the filters and edits.
If you really think about relationships. It is 2 humans (in some cases more) with individual desires, goals, emotions, aspirations that through this human compatibility and chemistry come together and somehow now have to fulfill their own while being a part of their partner’s.
What I ultimately want to leave this blog post at is always remember that every single person on this earth is different.
One thing I will always believe that remains concrete is even though romantic relationships comprises of 2 people, but without the 1 and the other 1, separately, it wouldn’t have made the 2. That probably made no sense to a lot of people, but if it resonated with at least one of you, hooray! A partner to me is someone that is there to be with you through the experiences that you face as you fulfill your purpose in life, while at the same time supporting their journey.
Individuality should never be removed from partnership/relationships.
Now just because I typed all this, in no way does it mean I am not guilty of the many things I just said. No one’s perfect!
Hope you beautiful people are having a bomb diggity day wherever you are in the world!